Queer, Latinx y Coraje - Somos Orlando

The last few weeks have been incredibly difficult for me. Sorrow, grief, frustration, sadness, loneliness, anger. Things have not been "well with my soul" .

Where do I go to? Who are my friends? Where is my family? Where is my safe space? Who am I? Why am I here?

Tengo Coraje...I am angry.

These have been my feelings and questions the past several weeks as a person of color, a person of faith, as a Latinx and as a Queer Latinx who calls Columbus, Ohio his home.

In the midst of tragedy and loss, of sorrow, of anger, I go inside. Deep inside myself where I painfully experience the full weight of these emotions and questions.

In my process of going inside, I’ve had conversations with other Queer Latinx, with friends, with allies and it has become clear once again that many of us are carrying the weight of these questions.

But be clear, I’m talking about the weight of these questions as a so called, "marginalized people". As brown people, as Queer Brown people, as Communities of Color. Often it feels like we have no place to go and often it is because we don’t, especially right here in Columbus, Ohio.

I never speak for my community but I feel right sharing that this is an incredibly difficult moment in the Queer Latinx community. We are in deep pain. We are in deep sorrow.

Oscar Montero, Enrique Rios, Javier Reyes. Jean Rodriquez. Rodolfo Anaya. Juan Velasquez, Juan Guerrero, Frank Hernandez, Juan Martinez, Simon Fernandez, Martin Torres, Peter Gonzalez- Cruz

These are but a few names of lives lost forever. I may not know them but I recognize their surnames and their faces. These are Latinx who were mostly Puerto Rican, some had partners, some died with their partners, some were there on the “down low”…exploring who they really are through music, dance, color and collective community and in secrecy. Some had children and some were undocumented migrants.

Black, Brown, and White they were. Most were Latino, Latinx...Black, Brown, White.

There are so many complexities to this tragedy most of us aren’t hearing, considering, understanding and certainly not inviting the space for conversation and grief.

Spaces, like at Pulse Latino nights are sacred spaces for our community still. They’re spaces of respite, of safety, of camaraderie, of community of solidaridad. Because we don’t have other spaces for this. Other places that play our music and where we dance merengue, bachata and cumbias. Places where we can dance to our music, in our language: literally or metaphorically. These are places where we find our Queer Familia because often our family does not accept us or those we love as partners.

Mainstream White Gay organizations expect us to acculturate to some kind of white gayness that erases who we really are while they exploit our intellect, culture and story. They include our story as an after thought or when convenient to their campaigns. There are few gay organizational spaces that provide relevant and real time specific programming/services for basic things we need.

Often we are not welcome in places like churches, temples, mosques, places of faith. And if we are, we have to protest loudly to be invited, to be included.

So places like Pulse become sacred spaces, they become the pulse of our identity. Now these spaces are threatened, now we have to think twice before we enter these spaces, when they’re already far and few between, when we’re already under vigilance. When we’re already over policed, when we’re already feeling that our lives are threatened due to state violence, interpersonal violence, domestic violence, gun violence, racism, deportation, gentrification, arrest.

Now, now, NOW...Where do we go?

All this is happening amidst a growing conservative movement that has demonized us, names us as public enemies in our own hometowns and homes and draws the blueprint for white supremacist, homophobic, and transphobic attacks, violence, and now extermination that many of us have been fighting. But also, it's happening amidst a neo-liberal movement when our "progressive" allies appropriate our identity, culture, labor and resources for their profit for our vote and for preserving their power.

Meanwhile the media gets the story wrong by ignoring racialized violence based on gender and sexuality and replacing it with profit-driven motives that rely on inaccurate racialized profiles of Islam and Muslims. erasing the Latinx thread to this story.

The good news is that our community of Latinx are resilient. We will keep pushing, fighting, agitating and creating our own spaces of power, inclusion and respite. This resiliency comes from many places. For some of us it comes from faith. Faith in ourselves, faith in our families, faith in our history, our culture, faith in the hope and love that is in our blood, our body, our soul and our story as a people.

Our liberation and freedom will come from a collective resistance. One that intersects with all fights for freedom. That's what a Latinx is to me.

Today, I amplify the stories of our people, both the living and the dead. I’m here because I know that queer people. Latinx people, people of faith (however you define that) are brave, we are strong, we are resilient. But this is also a call to action embedded in power filled questions:

What will it take to build a safety many of us have never experienced?

What would we need to call on each other instead of the police?

What would it take to have saved every person inside of Pulse?

How do we hold the cultural and political architects of this deliberate tragedy accountable?

What’s it going to take to start or continue with this fight right here in Columbus, Ohio?

What will victory look, smell, sound, taste and feel like?

What are you willing to do? To give up, to make it happen?

As the national media winds blow to the next story, I pray we will continue to ask ourselves these questions. We must keep learning, side by side with each other and all with those affected by this tragedy.

In Spanish the word "Coraje" means 1) ANGER but it also means 2) COURAGE. We must hold the corroboration and collusion of these emotions.

As for me, I will continue, to fight until things are "well with my soul" and with the soul of my community.

Soy #Queer y #Latinx #HastaLaVictoriaSiempre

My Personal Voter Guide for #ColumbusOHIO

So the election is tomorrow, November 3, 2015 in Columbus, Ohio. This election has caught my attention and interest for many reasons. First and foremost as an organizer/activist for justice, I feel as though too many have been left out of the well known Columbus growth and development. I ride my bike or the COTA bus and I see it. I speak to people and I hear it. I regularly receive calls from those in poverty or on the brink of poverty usually in low wage jobs. I have homeless friends. I hear it in private and personal conversations with people caught outside of the system and even those caught inside the system.

Recently, at an action we organized at a Andrew Ginther For Mayor big money fundraiser. A Democratic Party political operative who I have known for a while came out to say hello to me. Anytime someone says hello, it is in part a radical act but his words were telling of those caught up in the system. In part he said something like this:

"I don't understand or agree with where you're coming from or your tactics and message but I will say that you will not win, you will never win."

I've thought about his comment a lot. In the context of the entrenchment of the political party system in our society, he may very well be correct. In fact, this is why I left that rat race. Corporate money interest within the Democrats and Republicans is not a place that liberation for the poor will win. So my friend is correct, it is not a game that I will win. But what he clearly does not realize is; We are not playing that game. We are fighting against it.

Winning is pushing, disturbing, interrupting and forcing the uncomfortable questions. Winning is changing the narrative to focus on all people, not just those with money therefore influence and power. Winning is protesting with a plan. Winning is being with the people that are struggling to exist and survive. The win is in the fight.

I will vote tomorrow and for me I am voting as a way to further disturb the system. I am voting because I have a voice. I will not take a Democratic party sample ballot with because the Franklin County Democratic Party is the power that many of us are fighting against.

I promised many my personal recommendation on the elections in Columbus. If you have any questions, just let me know. Here they are:

For School Board: (Vote for 4 only)

- Bernadine Kennedy Kent

- Tina Pierce

- Mary Jo Hudson

- Shawna Gibbs

For City Columbus City Council: (Vote for 4 only)

- John Rush

- Bessah Sharrrah

- Ibrahima Sow

- Jaiza Page

Write In

- Joe Motil

For Mayor

- Zach Scott

Racism, Classism and Bigotry in "Olde Towne East" Moving Forward in the Near East Side

Race and Class Bigotry

A few days ago, I was riding my bike home from the public library in the Near East Side in Columbus, Ohio. I love this ride because I ride leisurely and I never come back the same way. I ride through the streets and alleys like a child exploring. I appreciate the experience fully. Those who know me, know this is how I live my life, being in the present moment.

Somewhere between Bryden and Oak streets in an alley, I noticed a car coming out of a garage onto the alley in back of me. When the driver blared his horn several times, it became apparent that the driver did not appreciate a bicycle slowing him down. As he passed me, I noticed he was a white male and he looked directly at me and yelled something like, "Quit blocking the road you Fucking Mexican".

I have 'internalized* my racial identity (William E. Cross: Stages of Identity) and have a strong sense of who I am as a Latinx and a POC. But every time I hear a derogatory reference to my ethnicity it is shocking and piercing. This time even more so since it was in my neighborhood. I was very upset and angry and yelled back at him as he sped ahead. I rode home and pretty much forgot about it because I have encountered this type of reference to my ethnicity all of my life. It is a constant reminder of race and class in our society, even in seemly safe spaces and neighborhoods. It was a reminder that we do not live in a post racial society.

The very next day, my partner Nick and I met a friend for conversation and drink at a local establishment not far from where we live. We were having a good time and at some point I excused myself to go to the restroom. The restroom was busy and I started looking at the art display in the hallway. As I was doing this, another male patron started to talk to me about the art. He had moved into the neighborhood recently and was considering buying some of the art for his new home. We chatted in a very friendly way as we continued to view the art which we both appreciated.

He shared that he loved living in "Olde Towne East". I told him that I live in the neighborhood and like it as well. He continued: "I love living in 'Olde Towne East' because it's about community and people working together for common good." Then he stepped closer and looked at me in the eye and continued; "There's only one thing...the Blacks have to go".

I was floored and my heart sunk. Suddenly, I did not know where I was. Like being a stranger in my own home.

He continued..."Don't you agree? They (Blacks) are in my neighborhood and they are nothing but trouble, we can't have them here".

My first instinct was to engage and push him on his statement. I said something like, "No I don't agree with you". He moved closer to me and began to further explicate his point. I quickly realized this was not the time or space to engage him. I began to feel unsafe at a local business in my neighborhood that I have been to many times where I have always been treated with respect. I found a way to excuse myself and returned to my table. I decided I would get a picture of him and my immediate reaction was to expose his face and comments somehow.

Within hours of each other and in the neighbor I've lived in for 16 years, I experienced bigotry towards me and towards who I am as a Person of Color.

I thought long and hard about how to share my experience. I have a responsibility to do so and I did have a picture of him.

I decided not to use a picture of this man and use a picture of the recently painted mural on the side of another local establishment. Choosing this mural was purposeful because I wanted to point out the meta systemtic issue: racism, classism, bigotry. For many in this neighborhood, the well branded name: "Olde Towne East", is a constant reminder of this. Many of us prefer to use "The Near East Side" when referring to our neighborhood. Historically, this is more accurate and comes without the Anglo-Saxon version of the spelling of Old Town. Many good people, even those who see themselves as "progressive" don't recognize or understand this fully.

Re-naming and re-branding is often the beginning stages of gentrifying a community.

It's important to make clear that the use of the, "Welcome to Olde Towne East" mural in the meme is not specifically related to the business owner (s) who commissioned it or the artists who painted it.

The Responses

The next morning, I went to my local coffee shop to start my day. I immediately shared the story with a friend that I know well. He listened and the first thing he said to me was, "I just heard the same thing other the day at a local bar from someone that I know!"

My white anti-racists friends remind me that white people say these kind of remarks often within each other, as though it's okay. It's like men making sexist remarks and jokes with other men. As a man, I hear sexist remarks often.

Olde Towne East Neighborhood Association (OTENA) focused their response on being "sorry" this happened and about the mural. They also believe they speak for the entire neighborhood.

Many were upset that I didn't specifically call out the man who made the comments. Pointing out that it was one incident only.

We prefer to have a villain or a "one bad person" because it's easier and it gets everyone else off the hook. This effectively disregards the systematic and institutional roots which enable these sentiments. This man is only one of the many faces of bigotry in our neighborhood.

THE ENCOURAGING NEWS was that most people who commented on the incident were appalled and understood if for what it was. They were white, black, brown, queer, straight, neighbors, renters, homeowners and a diverse cross section of community members. They also understand the incident in a historical context. They understand the ugliness of that specific experience but also understood gentrification and it's race and class implications on a neighborhood.

Moving Forward

So what do we do now? There should be some forward moving action, otherwise it's just pointing out what we know is out there.

Here are a few thoughts and forward moving questions that come to mind:

- First and foremost: How do we come together in conversation?

- How can art move us forward? What would a community mural look like that reflected the diverse community in its fullest?

- What would an ongoing campaign to address bigotry look like in the Near East Side? How do we use existing events to message this? (HotTimes, Music in the Garden, Community Yard Sale, Holiday Events, Tour of Homes, etc.)

We are here together and as delightful yet painful as it is, we have to own the community in the fullest, even the areas that we need to work on. Only then can we move forward. A Diverse Community? We have it! ----- Racism and classism? That's here too!

How do we make this real in the community we live in? How do we heal and move forward? How do we enter the community consciousness?

These are the questions I want to work on.

Count me in! How about you?

Morning Bus Ride Reflections

April 28, 2015 It was a beautiful day in Columbus, Ohio. This morning I had a meeting on the far north side of the city at The Continent Columbus (1-61 and Busch Blvd.) which is basically the last stop on the #8 Hamilton Ave bus. It's about an hour ride and a great time just to sit relax, observe and appreciate the diversity of Columbus. Here a few things that I saw, felt and experienced during the hour long ride.

Morning #8 COTA Bus Ride

Children going to school.

Black woman walking slowly using a walker boards the bus.

Kneeling bus.

More restaurants in the Short North.

Gateway, Ohio State, borderlands.

A car on left lane swerves in front of bus to turn right. Crazy!

Bike rider mounting his bike on the bike rack.

Gentrification.

Reflection time.

Asian woman with four bags.

Reading the morning news on my phone with a low battery.

Forgot my charger.

Blue sky outside.

Lifeless Ohio State Fairgrounds.

Sitting in silence with lots of thinking happening.

Corner stores.

Trying to stop thinking and just be.

I smile when I see a taco truck: Texano Taquerilla.

Cooks IGA.

A Somali rider says hello.

Morse Road car madness.

Bedroom Community.

Split level homes.

Latina woman greets me with a voiceless hello.

1-61 Dublin-Granville Road car madness.

I get to my destination.

Get off and thank the bus operator.

No pedestrian sidewalks.

Off to my meeting.

Pay to Play or Leave the Room

I attended the Stonewall Democrats of Central Ohio (SDCO) meeting on April 7th in support of Columbus City Council candidate Will Petrik. I learned that the SDCO had recommended Petrik to be endorsed for Columbus City Council. I was impressed with this bold move. I had only been to one of their meetings before about 10 years ago or so. I remember leaving that meeting on my own as I was definitely one of the few People of Color in the room and there were very few women in attendance. I felt like an outsider. This time, I was excited about attending and anticipated some real progress with this organization.

This excitement started to fade quickly as I walked into the small packed of mostly white (still) attendees and likely coming from the same social and economic demographic. Most people were friendly but many, including candidates, didn't even say hello. In my culture as I know it, a "saludo" (greeting/hello) is a must regardless of anything. There seemed to be many Andrew Ginther for Mayor supporters in attendance and it felt as though I was at a Ginther rally or meeting. It was obvious they had stacked the room, which is fair play in politics I suppose.

What I didn't realize was that a large number of Ginther supporters had become members in order to sway and change the endorsements.

Much has been said about the Ginther/Scott dual endorsement process at the meeting, but I am equally concerned about the process for replacing Will Petrik with Jaiza Page. Petrik was on the Stonewall Democrat's recommended slate for endorsement.

All candidates present spoke during the gathering. The Franklin County Democratic Party candidates stuck to their talking points regarding the "slate" of endorsed candidates. None spoke of their big vision for Columbus. Will Petrik was the only candidate who spoke of the need to listen to the community and his support for public transportation, universal pre-K, quality education in our schools and raising the minimum wage in Columbus. I wish I could have taken a picture capturing the collective look of the "members" when he spoke of these issues. It was the look of: "what does that have to do with us?" It was the look of a group of "Stonewall" members who no longer remember their history and are now insiders embedded in politics as usual and not the community.

After the candidates spoke, they were asked to leave the room and Stonewall members began the conversation about which candidates to endorse. It was clear that there was a deliberate strategy to replace Will Petrik as the endorsed candidate. I then realized that the Ginther camp was likley behind this strategy. They bought memberships and packed the room to sway the process. When Petrik supporters spoke up, we were asked if we were SDCO members. When we acknowledged that we were not, we were asked to leave the room which was shocking to me. No one else was questioned about their membership.

As I reflect on this whole experience, I am reminded of the history of Stonewall. It was an organic movement that emerged from an "uprising". This movement was largely about a group of people who were not welcome in, or could not afford other places of gay social gathering. There were hundreds of young "homosexuals" who literally had no home, came to New York without jobs, money, influence or contacts. Many had skills enough to get a job but didn't fall in with people who could help them. They were outsiders in the community at large and even within their own community. This is what Stonewall means to me as an organizer for justice issues. What I witnessed happen at this meeting, was not what I understand the Stonewall movement to be.

The well funded corporate political campaign of Andrew Ginther once again found a way to influence and change the decision within an organization. With their political motives and support, they found a way to exclude this Queer Latinx, my partner, and others. More importantly it denounced the good work of the Stonewall Democrats screening committee, and in essence said they don't matter either. This alone should send a wake up call abot the integrity of the Andrew Ginther campaign. If they are so sure of themselves, why would they have to sway this process? The meeting and the process on April 7th once again told me that I'm an outsider and don't matter.

I am aware that there are always good people with integrity caught in these systems. Many of whom reached out to tell their story. They fear going against the Democratic Party because they are employed by it or do not want to be rejected by their peers. It is a sad reality coming from the progressive camp.

As for me, I will continue to speak out for the outsider. I will also vote on May 5th.

Organizing from the Ground-Up

The Unmentioned Organizing Moments of 2013

I recently came across this article titled "The 13 Best Organizing Moments of 2013” compiled by the New Organizing Institute which was shared by friends of mine in (for lack of better wording) “progressive” circles citing it as a good roundup of this year’s best organizing moments.  2013 was certainly a year to remember for organizing, do not get me wrong.  The moments highlighted in this article were definitely worth remembering and two of them were related to the push for Immigration Reform (United We Dream’s “Operation Butterfly” and the ongoing “Fast For Families”) and rightly so--the struggle for fair and comprehensive immigration reform is ongoing as the bill currently sits in the House.  

Member of DreamActivist Ohio welcoming 2 of the #Dream30 back to Columbus

What I found revealing, however, was what this article chose not to include.  In the same year, two waves of fearless undocumented immigrants--first the “Dream 9” followed by the “Dream 30”-- crossed the border in an effort to reunite families and publicize the gravity of record high deportations under the Obama Administration.  Meanwhile, undocumented immigrants and allies have held numerous acts of civil disobedience, literally stopping ICE trucks by blocking access roads and putting their own lives on the line.  

Members of Undocumented Illinois blocking an ICE truck in Chicago

It seems odd that we celebrate a years worth of organizing while ignoring these acts of bravery.  It feels like many are still stuck in this paradigm that we can do certain things to highlight an unjust system (such as fasting) but when it comes to directly defying the system, suddenly there seems to be a lack of coverage. History has showed us that it take these brave acts of defiance to make change, it's simply unfortunate that the mainstream media and seemingly "progressive" non-profit organizations choose to ignore them.